The Candy House

Through thick woods Hansel and Gretel did romp
Till they came upon a cottage quite queer
Both stared in wonder at the forests gem
And from their previous route they did veer

Upon reaching the house they discovered
That entirely of food it was made
Of sweets and sugars as they'd never seen
Down the path of mints they skipped unafraid

Great walls of gingerbread before them loomed
Covered in confections huge, large, and small
Jellies, licorice, chocolate, and cookies
The gorgeous, sparkling candy they did maul

Upon the first taste Gretel choked and spit
Along with Hansel who coughed up his bite
Confused they gazed upon the candy home
Which tasted of dirt, something wasn't right

From the door peeked a ghastly ugly witch
Whose grin held two teeth and quivering lips
Till upon the choking children she gazed
She stood confused with her hands on her hips

"Dear children," she said, in a witchy voice
"What makes you cough and spit up my sweet walls?
Are they not the fulfilment of your dreams?
Just come inside and taste my candy halls."

"No, Miss Ugly Witch," Gretel retorted
"My brother and I agree on this part
Your baking is mediocre at best
It is dry and flavorless for a start."

The old witch huffed out a long, angry growl
"You're just children, how dare you insult me!"
Suddenly she calmed her temper and smiled
"It's just stale, I have fresher, you will see."

The two siblings carefully stepped inside
Waiting for the waddling witch to return
They spied caramel cages dangling low
And a buche de noel in the hearth did burn

"Oh my dearies try these scrumptious goodies
I made them just this morning before dawn
Tell me how they taste," the ugly witch smirked
"These are quite good, my recipe you'll pawn."

The children each took a mounded, dark sweet
Into their mouths they put it, chewing slow
Till out each spat theirs on their host's dull shoes
Their irritation beginning to show

"See here, Ma'am," Hansel said, surely annoyed
"Stop feeding to us this horrible food
For soon I shall throw up this days breakfast
For your poor baking, we're not in the mood.

"But..." started the witch, rejected and hurt
"We'll call forest creatures," Gretel jumped in
"They will judge the quality of your house
And decide if a contest you could win."

"Who shall stand against me?" cackled the witch
"Why, my sister, no doubt," Hansel pointed
The witch stared, wide eyed, in great disbelief
"Yes, the kings baker she was anointed."

And so fairytale creatures were summoned
Three bears, Mary's sheep, little Miss Muffet
Blind mice, fairy god mothers, a piper
Rumpelstiltskin... and not all were there yet

At long last the food judging could begin
Each baker set plates before the panel
The creatures drooled, eyes glued to their desserts
While Hansel opened the Forest Annals

Gretel's dishes were first in the tasting
With each bite they shivered in utter glee
Gretel glanced o'er at the arrogant witch
Whose wrinkled lips sipped on a cup of tea

Next came the sweets made by the ugly witch
She leaned forward with an expectant smirk
Cackling at the thought of beating this child
But the judges began to cough and jerk

The three bears stood from their seats with disgust
"Mine was too dry," Papa Bear bellowed hard
"And mine charred black," Mama Bear  cried in tears
"Mine's gone!" Baby Bear squealed, searching the yard

Mary's sheep baahed all their hisses and boos
The Big Bad Wolf tried to hide the sick taste
By licking little Red who spat out crumbs
While others sprinted to the stream in haste

"What?!" screamed the old witch in grave disbelief
She grabbed up a cookie, taking a bite
"This is delicious, I don't understand..."
But her eyes dilated, her skin turned white

The witch shriveled before the children's eyes
Hansel took Gretel's hand, raising it high
Declaring her victory o'er the witch
"We tried to tell her," she said with a sigh

The house was demolished quite soon after
So none would meet the ugly witch's fate
Gretel went back to bake for the fat king
And only her desserts the kingdom ate